


Fairness: Or, This is Going in My LiveJournal

by Mina Lightstar (ukefied)



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU, Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-05-04
Packaged: 2018-01-21 22:11:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1565801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ukefied/pseuds/Mina%20Lightstar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was a time when all my NaruSasu fic was just them screaming at each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fairness: Or, This is Going in My LiveJournal

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written/posted 2006. This was based on a fabulous joke about Sasuke a friend made.

It isn't fair -- it just  _isn't_.

Sasuke stares at his monitor balefully, as though it is at fault for everything. His traitorous profile page continues to display his worthlessness for all to see. He contemplates deleting himself.  _Maybe... I need more pictures._

He is already moody, so the sudden knocking at his front door doesn't help matters any. He ignores it, so the rude visitor starts banging. He ignores that, so the visitor, persistence proving him to be Uzumaki Naruto, progresses to shout.

"SASUKE, I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE. I CAN SEE THE LIGHT UNDER THE DOOR."

"SHUT UP, NO YOU CAN'T. THE LIGHTS AREN'T EVEN ON."

"I WANNA COME IN."

"GO AWAY."

"YOU MISSED JUDO. YOU NEVER MISS JUDO. WE WERE SUPPOSED TO SPAR AND YOU MISSED IT."

"I DIDN'T FEEL LIKE GOING. YOU SPAR LIKE A MONKEY."

"SHUT UP, NO I DON'T. WHY DIDN'T YOU COME? WERE YOU CAMWHORING AGAIN?"

"FUCK YOU, NO I WASN'T. WHY ARE YOU EVEN  _HERE_?"

"I CALLED FIRST. YOU DIDN'T ANSWER THE PHONE BECAUSE YOU'RE A DICK."

"MY PHONE IS UNPLUGGED BECAUSE--" he stops, because he doesn't want to shout,  _"because my brother keeps calling me."_

"OPEN THE DOOR. YOUR NEIGHBOR IS THREATENING ME WITH A BROOM."

Sasuke doesn't really want to, but he does, anyway, because he did miss judo and has a lot of pent-up aggression. He can beat up Naruto if the other boy annoys him, and chances are very good Naruto will annoy him.

When the door is opened, Naruto rubs the back of his head and grins triumphantly. "HI -- uh, hi."

"Get in, idiot."

"Bastard." Naruto elbows his way in. "Offer me a soda."

"No."

"Fine, I'll get my own."

Sasuke holds him back with a hand on his forearm. "What do you want?"

"A  _soda_."

"No, you moron--"

"Don't call me a moron, jerk--"

"--what do you want  _here_?" Sasuke snarls when he adds, "Don't you have some birthday cards to send?"

"Birthday cards?" Naruto looks puzzled. "What are you talking about?"

Sasuke growls and stalks back to his chair. He puts a hand on his mouse and goes to close the windows open on his screen.

"Hey, you uploaded a new picture!" Naruto suddenly leans over his shoulder, practically shoving him out of the chair. "I wish you'd lend me your digicam. Stingy asshole." He punches Sasuke in the shoulder.

"Get your  _own_." Sasuke shoves. Naruto shoves back. Soon they are wrestling.

"You're such a dick," Naruto says later. They are lying in a heap on the floor, panting heavily, and there will be bruises tomorrow.

Naruto's leg is on Sasuke's stomach, so Sasuke punches it. "You're annoying. And an idiot."

"Why'd you skip judo? I could have kicked your ass--"

"You could have  _tried_. And I told you, I didn't feel like it."

"You never don't feel like thinking you're better than me. What's wrong?"

"None of your business." He punches the stupid leg again. (It's stupid because it's attached to Naruto.)

"Asshole! Don't be so mean! I was only trying to help."

"You have others to help. I'm sure someone is posting about breaking up with her boyfriend as we speak. She needs you."

"What is  _with_  you?" Naruto sits up and stares at him. Then he blinks, glances at the computer, and then back to Sasuke. "Were you posting about breaking up with your boyfriend?"

" _No_ , you  _idiot_ \--"

"Because Yumi-chan was  _so_  upset the other day that I'm still a bit worried about her! And S00perGurl posted something about a green bicycle crowing at noon, and even though I have  _no idea_  what that means I'm sure it can't be anything good. And -- oh! Are you maybe talking about Minako? She liked Mamoru for  _so long_  and then he went and--"

Sasuke throws him out, locks the door, and continues to fume in private. It wasn't _fair_ , and he didn't know what he was doing wrong.

_Why does Naruto have more friends on MySpace than me?_


End file.
